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I’ve Known Him Like Forever

I think I started loving him
The very day we met in high school—
Almost ten years ago,
And Ben’s still my closest friend.
We finish each other’s sentences,
Shop for clothes together,
See movies and double date.

We sit together, his girlfriend to the right,
My girlfriend to the left. And sometimes
Our legs, our thighs rest against each other,
There in the darkness where no one can notice.
I suppose I do love him, as guys love their buds.
And yeah, we hug sometimes when we meet.
I hug him again when he leaves.

Sure, he’s spent the night at my house,
As I have slept at his. But lately,
Things seem to have changed.
I’ve noticed his eyes drop to my lips when I speak.
His hugs are tighter and maybe a bit longer.
Maybe it’s all in my head, I dunno. You know?
It feels complicated, cuz I’m closer to him
Than I ever was to my brother. So the bond is strong.
And warm. And sometimes our fights can be passionate.

Two weeks ago, he totally pissed me off
And I shoved him hard. He fell onto my bed,
He seemed surprised and was looking up at me
With dark piercing eyes, and he doesn’t move,
Except he kinda lifts one knee and shifts his thighs apart.
And I swear to god, he’s more handsome than me,
For a minute, I started to get hard.
So I said, “I’m gonna get a beer. You want anything?”
And he says, “Go get your beer. I need time to think….”

And in the kitchen, I had this wild thought—
What if he’s naked when I go back?
I kept thinkin’, what do I do if he wants
Something I can’t give? Or is it me
That wants something closer from him?

Well, he wasn’t naked when I went back.
So we lay there on my bed and watched
A Yankees game on TV. We didn’t touch.
We didn’t even talk. And that’s never happened before.
Silence was just all over the room.
I even thought maybe I need to quit my job,
Move away, maybe out to San Francisco.
Then I wondered, why was I thinking San Francisco?
That’s where all the gay guys live….
How fucked up is that?

So when he left, I didn’t hug him.
And an hour later, he calls me and says,
“I think we need to talk…”
Of course I said, “Sure, anytime.”
And he says, “I’m gonna come back over.”
Now I’m sitting and waiting and my mind
Is running 100 mph and I feel scared.
What’s he gonna say? What should I say?
I mean, what if he says “Let’s first take a swim”?
Cuz sometimes we just swim nude, ya know?

Fuck. It was like I read his mind.
He walks through the door and says
“Let’s go for a swim. I’m feeling hot.”
He strips out of his jeans and tee,
And he has no underpants on, going commando,
Which he’s never done before.
I swear to god, I look and he’s got a semi.
“You coming along with me?” So yeah, I follow.
And I’m naked walking behind him
Looking at his ass. Oh, my god. I was getting’ hard.

He dives into the water, and I dive behind.
It feels like I got butterflies in my stomach, ya know?
So we swim a bit, and he starts splashing water.
And then he says, “So what are we gonna do about this?”
I say, “About what, Ben?” “About us….”
And I don’t know what to say. And then I started to cry.
He swims closer and just holds me, right there,
Naked in my pool. Right there, naked in my pool…

I Cannot Sleep

cannot sleep
Sometimes at night, I cannot sleep—
My thoughts are still with you.
I thirst, I breathe, I want your sweet
Tongue to quench desire, arms open,
Surrounding, touching, swallowing.

Though apart, we survive the drought.
Laying here alone, I dream of sunny days
Colored with your body next to mine.
But I pray for rain, downpour of you,
Flooding, drenching my unrest for hours.

Here in the silence, I wait for dawn—
The longing more lovely than any song.
Remember how we schooled each other
To touch each cup and dip, to taste, to drink,
Orbiting over every orb, to bathe,
To breathe the scent, to swim in favorite rivers….

Your body will always be a miracle—
Memories of you seem but ashes,
Until I write your name in water,
Like Shelly, refute the distance and burn
With longing— the golden flames
Cast shadows on your legs, heart pumping,
Veins swelling, cells sipping until rain arrives.

Soon, I will pour myself in belonging,
Seeing you, gazing upon your twinkling eyes,
Like eternal stars, shining alive in constellations.
Learning yet again to touch, to lick, to open, to love,
To welcome all the gods be present in our joy,
Claim the long sought prize, the heart alive with you.

Give Me My Lover

Give me my Lover

Give me my lover’s smile,
Teeth, lips around my neck,
Gold delicate hands bush up
Against chin, against hard nipples.

I smile to welcome desire,
Body moving, rising in the heat,
Crawl down your torso,
Mold my body to your fine shape.

Licking down to secret parts of you,
Unknotting as my steady fingers
Stroke your quivering thighs.
Slowly fingers disappear in you.

My mind focused on that flash of night,
The sighs and little cries in response–
When lightening hits the spot,
Entire trunk of tree splinters….

There is little tenderness as I enter,
Fully claim the heart’s desire,
Thrusting hard until I seed the furrow,
Plant my essence deep into your cells.

Bear me, absorb me while you sleep,
Our unhurried closeness like a boat,
Drifting out to sea, cradled by waves,
Rocking us in arms we cannot see.

Just Past Crack of Dawn

SEED MONEY: THE CHUCK HOLMES STORY, The Charles M. Holmes Campus, The Center, San Francisco, 2015.
Just past crack of dawn….
Awake and roused, I could not turn away,
Nor conquer full desire that burned
As much as eastern sky that holds the rising Sun.

He lay upon white sheets, asleep,
Resting from sacrifice he made last night.
I am no saint. I gaze upon this boy,
Want to take him yet again.

His lips, now buried in soft pillow.
Shadows cast upon his naked back….
His innocence possessed now possessing,
Bare ass exposed and tempting me to enter.

So hard to turn away. I cannot leave
Nor shrivel from his yielding kiss,
His darkness freely offered as he stirs, waiting,
Hoping for what I now long to give.


Gazing upon him in early morning light,
His beauty makes me want to paint a naked canvas
Or write a poem about how all within the world is beautiful,
And truth is sometimes best found when eyes are closed.

What is Earth but dust under feet?  Do not waste time.
Go live your life, but also be open to your heart—
Drink deeply until your thirst is quenched.
Give yourself what your heart longs for.

But do not wake him yet…  Lay beside him, among his silent dreams.
Smell the fragrance of his warm and naked body.
Enter his slumber until you rest beside his soul.
Adore him quietly…  and pray his ardor stirs when you awake–

Allow his widening pools of light
To dissolve shadow’s grievance from your daily life.
On this moment’s sharp edge, pause and simply sparkle on the ledge,
Give him your love and take from him only what he freely gives.

When He Came Back for Wine

OLIVIER BERNIERLook at that charming face,

Waves of light upon his golden hair,

Sunrise twinkling from blue eyes,

His boyish smile revealed pure innocence.

For hours I quietly observed him play his games,

And he clearly noticed me as I kept my gaze on him.

I doubt he quite knew what to make of me,

Yet he did not run away that day.

As the day wore on, my hunger grew,

Wanting to take his innocence,

Hear him loudly cry as he surrendered,

Legs spread and naked in my bed.

When I suggested he come back for wine,

He gazed into my face as he said “Yes—

I’d love to see your place….”

He knew what he would give and lose that night.

Driving home, we said little,

Keeping eyes upon the curves,

Eyes darting in the dusk,

Hard to focus on the road

With visions in my head

And something hard below.

Once home, after drinking second glass of wine,

I put my hand on his and sensed his hesitation,

His fear of what he knew might happen,

Caught between his shyness and desire.

But when we kissed, he opened mouth,

Took my tongue against his tongue,

His blood rising in pulsing throat and warm

Arms encircled me as we drew close.

He admitted he had never done this,

Yet also knew he wanted to go on,

Had much to learn and something real to give.

Slowly, I unbuttoned buttons and removed his shirt.

We took our wine into my bedroom,

Lit a dozen candles so naked flesh

Would glow within dark corners of the room,

His nipples hard as I rubbed them with my hand.

I stripped him of his clothes,

And he became an offering upon the altar of my bed,

His young cock standing erect and quivering

As I warmed my hands between his thighs.

My God, he seemed so much an angel sent to bless,

Perhaps a choirboy bowing to a priest,

As he knelt, bent his head and took my organ in his lips,

Swallowed me down like I was a sacramental feast.

Pushing him upon his back, I licked his thighs,

Sucked round, smooth and heavy globes,

Moved north to sweetly taste his meat,

Pre-cum dripping, tasty as I lapped warm tongue to drink.

“I want you,” I whispered.

He replied, “I am yours. Take me…”

And so I took his innocence, virginity lost

Forever in that hour of night.

Yes, he shed a tear upon a cheek

When I went deep and pushed

Large into tight chamber, sighing,

At times tender, at times hard to make him weep.

Should I reveal he turned,

Exposed smooth ass and I entered yet again,

Begged me to seed him with thick cream,

Moaned, thrust back as we finally peaked?

Later, he slept within my arms.

When morning came, he left

So much behind, and took so much,

Asking when he could come again….

Long Hard Loving….


Stars had long disappeared
When my eyes first opened.
In early light of morning,
There he lay, aroused,
Arousing my dark desires.

Grin upon his face was priceless,
Revealing more than words could say.
Words lay upon a page in black and white,
But his cheeks were blushing
With the rose of morning glories.

He grinned and licked his lips.
Slowly, I knew our destinies
Would be densely intertwined,
Perfectly aligned between the sheets,
As I prepared myself to make it happen.

In morning, there is no darkness
To hide our smoldering fires.
Whispered kisses become the lyrics;
Music and rhythm a shared intimacy lengthens,
Long hard loving at the break of day.


I turned around and there he was,

A fucking US Army Ranger,

So many guns I couldn’t count,

But his eyes were fixed on me,

Steady aim, first at my face,

Then my chest and crotch.

His eyes had bright smile

And his lips curved to appeal,

Hunger written all over him.

His finger was on the trigger

So what could I do

But slowly raise my hands

And say, “I’ll do whatever you

Tell me to do….”

He led me to a quiet room,

Said he was going to do a strip search.

I voiced no objection nor

Requested any lawyer.

Slowly he removed my clothes

And I surrendered to his

Careful examination.

To be honest, it was hard on him,

Though I found it went fairly easy.

His gun was loaded and when he jerked,

I felt him shoot that load— deep within my body,

not like cream but more like molten lead.

He got me from behind, legs spread,

So all I could do was yield.

My heart was arrested

For half an hour

As he took his measure and more.

At the end, we kissed;

He gave me his number.

But when I called,

It was the Army Recruiting Station.

Silly, silly me. I want to go sign up.

Wet Sand Between My Toes


I can’t say I’m very big on guilt….
Instead, I prefer wet sand between my toes,
Friend upon my back, legs reaching for blue sky,
Bare skin against bare skin, giving in,
Letting impulses live alive toward joy,
Hurting no one, judging no one.

Why can’t we just live our lives completely free—
Feeling safe with raw intimacy?
I want to live today with my friend, naked on the beach,
Exposed to rays of sun, getting warm until the rising blood
Makes me so hot I need to swim up inside,
Pushing in until he moans and begs for more.

Do you see my point? Do you see my thighs support
His thighs au naturel, lithe and lovely legs,
Blonde curly hair blowing in the salty air….
Soon I’ll take him home; throw him on the bed,
Have our fun in play, sharing rolling waves of laughter
Upon high tide of evening love.

Meeting Jim at the Gym


On cold winter’s night, I left work early,

Went to the gym for a good workout.

Worked up a sweat, then to steam room and a shower.

But as a started to dress, I had trouble putting on my socks,

Eyes distracted by this gorgeous hunk

Standing to my right….


His lovely ass was like full Moon,

Firm and round and teasing me to look.

He put on his shorts, then slipped them down,

Sensing that he had my interest very hard.

How to close the deal and make intentions real?

I coughed and suddenly he turned around.


Blue eyes locked onto mine,

His bulging member growing in his groin….

I said, “How long have you been a member?”

“I’m pretty new at this,” he said.

“Well then, I could show you around—

Maybe work out together. You seem to be in shape.”

His vision wandered up and down my body

As he said, “Yeah, I appreciate the offer.

I’d like that very much….”


“I’m Jim,” he said and thrust out his warm hand.

“So I’ve met Jim at the gym, eh? I’m Brad…

Would you care to stop by for a beer?”

“Damn,” he said. “You don’t waste any time.

And I’m thinking not wasting time would be good….

Lead me on….”


And so I did just that, lead him to my place.

Poured him a beer before I kissed him,

Stripped him of his clothes

And took him to my bed.

I loved the gruffness of hair on his face,

His open mouth alluring my tongue inside.


Musky smell of skin was erecting no defense.

I wanted him. I wanted him so bad.

“God, you’re good at being bad,’ he whispered.

He whimpered as I took him in my mouth,

Sucked him deeply to the core.

Then I licked his hanging globes,

Took them one by one into my mouth.


My tongue seemed to have a will of its own,

Pushed further south below his balls,

Then to the final goal, the whole of him,

Quivering, pulsing, thighs flexing on my head,

Finger probing past his ring, warm and wet inside…

As his hips began to thrust, I could tell—

He wanted me. He wanted me so bad.


I pushed him on his back and forced his legs apart,

Took his lovely ass into my hands,

My larger Earth holding him in orbit.

I entered him raw, driving hard and deep

As he moaned into my ears and begged for more.

“Fuck me! Fuck me hard! I want your seed inside.”


I gave him all I had; all he wanted, held nothing back—

Flooding him, pleasing him, loving every minute

As he opened like a budding flower.

Then he came, gushed upon my chest,

Warm and sweet as cream.


He did not want me to let him go.

He spent the night and then the day,

And then a second night he stayed.

How long this might last,

I cannot say; but I am getting attached,

Having fun together in this Jim.